This Day, That Year: Kambakkht Ishq Turns 16

There’s no business like showoff business. Kambakkht Ishq (KI) has plenty to show off about. Fabulous Hollywood locales, Hollywood icons like Sylvester Stallone and Brandon Routh pitching in, sporting cameos in spot-on scenes written in a completely endearing ‘con’ text. And above all, KI has cracking, hissing, snarling, and smouldering chemistry between the film’s luscious lead pair.

Is there a more glamorous couple than Akshay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor in filmdom today? Nah! Forget it. Not possible. Even when they’re ready to bite off each other’s heads, call each other canines, and scream like a double-banshee delight at a horror festival, there is just no way the compatibility of the combo can be encored, even by them.

Indeed, if the supreme silliness of the plot in KI is bearable, it’s because of Akshay and Kareena’s glorious goofiness. The lead pair, never in better form, shape, size, and looks, gets into the grandly caricaturish groove fearlessly, effortlessly, and convincingly, creating the kind of blitzkrieg of belligerence that was last witnessed when Harry met Sally. And they heaved happy ever after.

For Akshay and Kareena, it’s hate at first sight. They pass sexist remarks about the opposite sex loud enough for the other to hear. They bitch and carp about the vices of being of the opposite sex in a world polluted by bigotry and gender bias. Goodness, these two despicable creatures deserve each other!

KI is the kind of gender-bender that never embraces the tender. The battle of the sexes is loud and aggressive, designed to create a cacophony of conflicts that leave us reeling in stupefied embarrassment. Sure, we’ve seen other films about a goofy man and stuck-up woman who can’t stand each other. But none so engrossed in their own self-serving hemispheres.

Seemingly rudderless, often risqué, and coolly risky in its audacity, KI is a film that doesn’t endear itself with its plotting. It’s all about the money, Honeyji. It’s all about the styling, often at the cost of what most moviegoers think of as substance. But there is no real ‘substance-abuse’ in KI, trust me on that. The wispy, slim storyline matches the female cast’s waistline, while the gasbag gags are as top-heavy and cheesy as the goofy grin that Akshay wears like a second skin. The veneer of vicious vivacity seldom falls off, though admittedly some episodes wear us out with their svelte, stiletto-in-the-art jibes at that old and baffling thing called the man-woman relationship.

The film is a no-holds-barred gender war, tangy, spicy, and supremely smug in its silliness. And as Akshay’s character comes to a realization that there’s more to love than scoring and scr..ing (he played a far less aggressive, though much more toxic cad going down the same caddish Casanova’s road in Heyy Baby), we the audience come to the realization that films about cads with claws who get entrapped in a love clause (remember Ranbir recently in Bachna Ae Haseenon) have their utility when you’re looking for an evening of farce and fun with no strings attached (to the bikini binge that eventuates, that is).

The farce fest miraculously manages to sustain the mood of zany fun most of the way. Some episodes, like Boman Irani’s cameo appearance as a shrink whose couch gets into an ouch mode, are flatter than Kareena and Amrita Arora’s tummies. But as far as eye-catching locales and protagonists go, KI goes a long way. The Akshay-Kareena pair just makes you stare. And if you are into clothes, shoes, and accessories, you could spend an evening with KI just checking out what Kareena wears, and how well she carries it off.

Akshay Kumar’s comic timing has now been honed to a fine art. He invests his completely caddish character’s personality with a frank and fearless arrogance that borders on megalomania but finally settles on being plainly outrageous. Kareena matches him step by step, Jimmy Choos and all. Just because she looks like a million bucks doesn’t mean her performance is cosmetic too. Kareena’s satirical expressions as a man-hater are to die for.

Debutant director Sabir Khan knows how to bring out the ‘beast’ in his characters. He milks the outrageous situations for all their mirth and then moves on, heaving and panting, to the next level of buffoonery. Somewhere in this jokey jugglery binge of gender wars and slender storytelling, Sylvester Stallone pops up for two of the film’s most arresting sequences. But ‘Superman’ Brandon Routh is utterly wasted. May the ‘farce’ be with him.

Where else but in Bollywood would Routh come across such a farcical feast designed in a slick-flick format where the completely obnoxious hero is operated on by a super-model who moonlights as a surgeon and leaves a watch in the hero’s stomach? The watch chimes a Hindu mantra into Akshay Kumar’s ears ad nauseam. He’s of course maddeningly annoyed. We’re by then beyond annoyance.

Kareena seemed pretty kicked about working with Stallone. “Any actress would give her right arm to do such a glamorous glitzy role. And I got to work with Sylvester Stallone. I couldn’t believe when he said he knew my work. I remember Saif was shooting in San Francisco. He flew down to LA to see my shooting with Stallone. I remember Saif was introduced to Stallone as a member of a royal family and the son of a former Indian cricket team. I remember our lunches. We had Indian kebabs. Stallone loved it. I’ll never forget it. He had heard of my grandfather (Raj Kapoor). He wanted to see my movies. I gave him DVDs of Jab We Met and Omkara.”

When Akshay Kumar got to know that Sylvester Stallone would be a part of his starrer Kambakkht Ishq, he excitedly told this writer, “When in my early years I was working in Bangkok, I had three posters in my room, that of Sridevi, Bruce Lee, and Sylvester Stallone.”

Coincidentally, Meri Biwi Ka Jawaab Nahin, in which Akshay had the privilege of working with Sridevi, completed 20 years on July 2. Apparently, Stallone charged through the roof for his august presence in the July turkey. Akshay Kumar played a stuntman in Hollywood (the original Fall Guy) and Stallone was one of the Hollywood icons he played body-double to in the film. Never mind if Akshay’s build was nothing like Stallone’s. Before shooting together, the two bonded off the sets.

Apparently, Stallone got interested in Akshay’s work and even showed interest in watching Kumar’s films. The film was a no-holds-barred gender war, tangy, spicy, and supremely smug in its silliness. As Akshay’s character came to the realization that there’s more to love than scoring, we the audience come to the realization that films about cads with claws who get entrapped in a love clause have their utility when you’re looking for an evening of farce and fun with no strings attached.

As far as eye-catching locales and protagonists go, Kambakkht Ishq goes a long way. The Akshay Kumar – Kareena Kapoor Khan pair just make you stare. If you are into clothes, shoes, and accessories, you could spend an evening with Kambakkht Ishq just checking out what Kareena wears, and how well she carries it off.